Monday, August 11, 2008

What Makes America Great?

4.5 : Number of hours it is supposed to take to travel between DC and NYC

6.5 : Number of hours spent in the car traveling between Washington DC and NYC on Friday

12 : Number of Twizzlers eaten in car.

48.65: Dollars spent each way in gasoline and tolls

38 : Hours spent in NYC

7.5 : Amount in dollars to see the Coney Island Freak Show

10.75 : Hours spent coming back into DC from uptown NYC

2 : Number of bridges closed between NYC and DC on Sunday.

This past weekend I headed into NYC to enjoy a little hard earned R&R and spend some time with people I know and love. On Saturday we headed down to Brooklyn so I could see Coney Island for my first and possibly last time. For those of you who have never been to Coney Island: put down the computer mouse, gas up the car and go. Now. If for no other reason- Coney Island is about to be closed and torn down (or as they call it-reorganized) for high rent schmancy beach front apartments and condos.

I grew up in Orlando- the land of homogenized Disney cleanliness and niceties, so I have always thought I didn't like amusement parks. They are too clean, too fake and too nice. Disney is famous for the whole hand point (as to not offend anyone by accidentally pointing at them) Not at Coney Island. Coney Island is about as sleazy as it gets. People let the bird fly as freely as the seagulls and the booze comes by the yard.

No where in Disney can you load a paintball gun and shoot at a 17 year old kid (dressed in protective gear) who is telling you to *suck his cock*. Yup. Suck. His. Cock. Let that sink in for a moment. A day at Coney Island made me realize what is actually good about America; and it is a guy in moto-cross gear telling me to suck it.

Other things that make America great are to be found at the Freak Show where a handlebar moustached man named Johnny Vomit reminds children "never major in Liberal Arts" right before he pounds a nail into his skull...these are the messages that are not getting to children early enough. Parents: take notes at this freak show.

Additionally you can see an exhibit called the 'Waterboarding adventure" where it "Don't Gitmo Better Than This".
Yes friends. These are the things that make America Great.

1 comment:

David & LisaBB said...

Maizie is loading up her paint ball gun right now!