On Monday I received several horrible pieces of news: A very dear (maybe even my best) friend lost his father without warning. Another friend lost her brother after a lifelong battle with illness. It was a hard week. I have a difficult time with friends and loss. I also have a difficult time with the conventions of language and what is proper. My initial response generally involves at least 2 or 3 expletives and the idea- "I cannot imagine how you must be feeling". Which is not the comforting words that you are supposed to say while handing over a bundt cake or fried chicken. My lacking social grace is one of my less charming attributes, and at times like this it comes raging out.
The most helpful thing I can think is to remember the time I lost my Grandmother (who lived next door and helped raise me) and recall how destroyed I was, and how the thought that she is still looking out for me helps at times. So that's what I said. Hopefully in 5 or 10 years they will be able to feel a little comfort in the idea that they have a wing-man. It's not much, but sometimes all we get are the comforts we create in our minds and hearts.
In the midst of all this sad news I have managed to meet and become smitten with a darling man. We met online, and have been seeing each other for about 6 weeks. Each time we are together I find out something we have in common, and something we can experience for the first time. He is a dear, and so f**king sincere that I don't even know what to do with him at times.
As you can see: I'm having a bit of a dichotomy of emotion that I'm not sure what to do with. It's been a strange week. It's been days of switching between tears and smiles, and not really feeling right about either because of it.
If you are the praying type- Light a candle and say a prayer for my friends. They are dealing with some astonishingly hard emotions and sad realities this week. If you are not the praying type, cherish your loved ones and tell them how much they mean to you. Personally, I'm doing both. It's important.